a babbling bard

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West-Words - Whoa the Wagons ©

I'd like to discuss the state of our nation,
our current obsession with compensation,
and matters arising from adjuration.
I find this culture funny?.

It's natural to be upset
when people all around you get
their fill and more, and still, and yet,
they cry out for more money.

Selfish folk are all the same.
They're looking for someone to blame
against whom they can make a claim
because their life's not sunny.

"It's someone else's fault" they say
"I'll sue, I will. I'll make them pay",
forgetting life can be that way
like water can be runny

It's time we took a stand and said
"You've had bad luck, get off to bed.
Life sometimes kicks you in the head
Oh, and, here's an aspirin, sonny."

"I know you're disappointed, but
the well is dry, the till is shut
if you want more, get off your butt
and work to earn it, honey."



Lines in the Park ©

I sat on a park bench and felt the trembling
of trains running by underground
I felt the chill of the wind and the rain,
but never uttered a sound.
I saw no point; there was no one to hear
except for a cheeky wee wren,
and she had her own private problems to ponder.
Thank God for the power of the pen.
So, I started to write my most intimate thoughts
in a notebook I keep for that reason.
But after five minutes I upped and went home.
The truth is, you see, I was freezing.


The Sparra's Appeal ©

Ah sat oan a bench in Tollcross Park
Ah hud tae, ma dugs wur throbbin'
When oot' the dark a wee skylark
Telt me aboot cock-robin

It wiz late at night, but he steyed oota sight
He wiz scared thit the others wid hear
The story he told made ma blood run cold
An' ah understood eez fear

It seems that the dove wiznae so much in love
Iz the poyets wid huv ye believe
See, she'd hud a toodoo wi' the man fae the pru'
An' a trick or two tae up urr sleeve

She'd peyed a fly that wiz passin' by
Tae say that she'd witnessed the deed
An' unner duress the sparra confessed
Well, she'd never been right in the heid

Two magpies poked the sparras eyes
An' smacked her heid on the pavement
Then skelped ur again, then gied ur a pen
An' made ur sign a statement

Then 4 big crows took ur doon below
'n'enny hut ur again wi' a chair
They very near choked ur, then sent furri doactur
Who swore thit she'd fell dooni stair

The jury believed the statements received
The sparra jist sat there in silence
She couldnae take flight, she wiz too sore tae fight
And she didnae believe in vi'lence

As yushully happens ra papers wurrer
Ra vultures a' sat in a gang
Geed scribbl't wee smidgins tae' carrier pidgins
An' goat the story aw rang

They wrote of a love 'tween a robin and dove
Built a monument to love's endurance
Bit The dove's love lasted tae the check wiz casheded
She'd done it furri insurance

The skylark then fled, maist like tae eez be
an' a went put ma brush in the brushroom
As homeward I wandered I paused and wondered
Should I really have picked my own mushrooms???


Sometimes ©

There are so many things I want to say
But sometimes I fear that they'll drive you away.
Sometimes I want with my heart and my soul
to offer myself, to give you control.
But sometimes I know that I've got it all wrong
and sometimes your need is for me to be strong
Sometimes I just want to sit by myself
and ponder the nature of nature itself.
But sometimes I want to walk on my hands,
jump up and do cartwheels, sing and dance.
To wallow in pleasure for pleasures own sake,
but sometimes I feel I'll be burned at the stake
by all of the blinkered and bigoted fools
whose only real pleasure's in following rules.
You know them quite well; the ones who use words
to do far more damage than Wilkinson's swords.
I envy them nothing; I fear not their spite.
I see their opinions for what they're worth... shite!
But ignorance isn't the bliss that they say
and I still sometimes wish they would all go away.
They can't understand how a girl and a boy
can be still platonic, yet filled with such joy.
We're maybe just lucky that we both were blessed
by the gift of expression, not gender obsessed.
Whatever the reason, and this, 'til I die.
If You can put up with it, so can I.



I stand outside ©

I stand outside like an urchin
with his nose pressed against a sweet shop window
and gaze at your life
never to know the delight my imagination anticipates
every now and then saving for a small treat
but when I get inside you're busy serving
It's my turn now
You have patience
recognising the symptoms of my schoolboy crush
but other customers want served
and the pressure of their inspection
along with your immediate and powerful presence
makes my mouth go dry
I don't remember how to breathe
panic rises within me
mind blank
can't think straight
I knew what I wanted until I got here
Before I know it I'm outside on the street again
a mixture in my hand
and a couple of pennies in change
my nose presses once more against the glass



Growing Up ©

Whin a wis ony six year auld ah fun a catalogue,
a hid it up ma jumper'n a sneekt it in the bog.
A pult doon a toilit roll fae aff the boatum shelf;
a jamt the door behine may an played way maself.
At ate ah tried oot cigarettes tae fun a bigger kick.
The furst time a inhailt it a thoat a wid be sick.
I nearly turn't ma guts oot whin a tried ma seckint fag
But aw ma mates wur watchin', so a hud anuther drag.
Its hard fur a wee boay tae grow intae a man,
so a wis grateful tae a lass (fur noo wull caw hur Anne).
She took may tae the Public Park an bent behint a tree
An efter hoff a minit shid made a man a me.
It twelve a tried oot solvents, tae reach a greatur high.
A snift thum fae a hankie'n a thoat a wid die.
Ma ears startit ringing' an ma brains turnt intae mince.
It wis a rotten feelin, an ave nevur dun it since.
At sixteen a tried beer an wine when a wis it the dansin.
A thoat thit drinkin alcohol would make may seem entransin
tae all the wee school lassies, but a nevur hud the savvy
tae see a lookt a chookie way ma heed stuck doon the lavvy.
It twinty-three a settuld tae a life a merit bliss.
a fun myself a wee burd thit a kid stroke'n kiss.
Wave been the gither nineteen years an maist ay it's bin fun
an noo a am the faither ay a fifteen-year-auld son.
A try tae keep it in ma mind he's ony jist a kid.
A also know heel, mer thin likely, day the things a did.
But thur are modern pressures oan this apple ay ma eye.
Thur's mini mer temptations noo, new weys tae reach a high.
Jist because am aulder disney mean ma edyication
hus gid may aw the facts a need fur evry situation
A went intae ees room an he wis sittin smokin pot;
a startit tae chastise um, then a hud a suddin thot.
A said, "a canny sankshin this, it is against the law
But here's yur chance, convince may thit a shoodny tell yur maw."
Aid aw the infurmation, like aid red it oot a letter.
Mibby a know mair than him, but sum things he knows better.
A trustit him an hud a go, it sent may intae space;
a think a better unnerstood thit hash kin huv its place.
Ma boay telt me then a fun oot it makes ye kinda mella.
Yull no be Arsed tae leave yur chair tae hit the other fella.
Ye see baith sides a arguments; yay often fun the truth.
(ad nevur herd a Cannabis win a wis in ma youth?)
Way sat an hud a blether an way tocta loada pish.
Way spoke aboot desires an dreams an aw the things we wisht.
A realise it isnay reely mental efter aw,
'nit disney really bothur me if ma wain hus a blaw.
Its jist an uther passin faze yay shoodny reely wurry.
Hees loadsa time tay grow up yet, thur isnay any hurry.
Ah'll cum tae a conclusion an' it is simply this:
If ye want tae see an end tae war, prescribe cannabis.


Other ways to skin a cat ©

In spite of what the churches teach you
Heaven doesn't wait
It never stays in one place long
It's an oscillating state
You can opt to love or loathe
The choice is in your hands
Whether you see a right or wrong
Depends on where you stand

Thon bloke Jesus, big tip fur himsel!
"The ony wey tae the faither is through me"
Whit dae we really ken aboot um?
Clever guy ah suppose
Ony child though
Bit Awfy guid tae 'is maw

Coulda been a yank
They're kinda precocious tae
Lectured' the elders in thur ain temple
They wur daein' a spot a child mindin'
She wis a single parent, parish hoosekeeper, ah think

sent tae a private school
Then joint the army
Quartermasters corps
Spent years away
Back wi' nae pension.

Suddenly he appears at a weddin'
Daein' a course in hotel management
The bride's faither peyed fur a free bar
Sumbdy saw um pittin watter intae the wine
Like they used tae dae in sum boozers in the Gallagate
That made um a tidy profit
They Gospellers goat it aw wrang, they wur aw pished oan the stuff
Ken when yer auntie sterts talkin' aboot 'er operation
Ye gie 'er loadsa ginger an' tell 'er its fulla voddy
Man, she's birlin'
Nae time at a' she's like Shirley Bassey oan speed

Anyway, He takes 'is screw and bolts the course
Sterts a fish ferm
If ye'd never seen salmon cages afore
'Specially in the rain, fae a distance
Ye could easy believe He wis walkin' oan the watter
Andrew an' Peter hud their boat de-commissioned
They gied up their day joabs tae go wi' um
Kin ye no' hear um tellin' the lads
"Time tae harvest the sole"
Made a bloody fortune

Yon Lazarus tae
Telt um the social wis oan thur road tae see um
Offert um a franchise, but Laz hud nae dosh
Gied um a joab's the watchie it the cages
Lettum take 'is bed doon wi' um
"Aw the fish ye kin eat, son. Stert monday!"

Tax collectors stertit hingin' aboot
Tae fun oot if 'e'd declared aw 'is tips fae the caterin'
Checkin' the VAT returns oan the new venture
Pit up wi' thum fur a wee while
Thoat he could palm thum aff wi' hospitality
Finally loast the place wi' thur gaffers inni temple

Ah ken ah've felt like gaun tae the heid office
Wi' a whip in ma haun
An' reddin' the place.

Hud a coupla bob in the post office
Chucked it
Went travellin' wi' 'is mates
Hud cretins followin' um aboot ev'rywhere
lookin' fur indulgences
Prostitutes hung aboot wi' um
Strangers aye invitin' um tae crash fur the night
Supper in a private room at the best hotel in toon.
Lordin' it up in the mountains
Like an Englishman in Argyle

Bullshittin' the locals wi' 'is tales
An opinion oan everythin'
Tellin' thum how He knew best
Braggin' aboot whit 'e wis gonny dae wi' the inheritance
Sez ees gonny become a judge
Let a' 'is chinas oot the jile
Buy booze fur thum a'
Gie 'is auld claise tae the poor
Feed the hungry

Holidays in the desert
A' the temptations ay the flesh.
40 days an' nights in the gamblin' capital o' the world
Man, the crack musta been magic

Blew 'is tank
Wandert aboot the desert, skint
Devised a plan
Fur 'is mates tae turn um in fur the reward money
30 pieces a silver wid get um back tae the tables.
And enough left fur a backhander tae the governor
Tae ensure a lighter sentence

Stertit aff aw right
They dug um oot in the gerden.
Went quietly.
Nuthin' tae fear.
Judas done the durty
Used the silver tae pey his poll tax arrears
Nevur telt um

Sodgers took um tae Pilate
Nae bung?
Sent um tae the high court fur sentencin'

Musta shat imsel'
Up in front ay the beaks
Herod couldny be ersed.
Said it wis a matter fur the Governor tae decide
Pilate wis facin an election
Gied intae public pressure
Let Barabas go insteed

Still, wanst a gambler, eh!
Played dice wi' the squaddies
Tried tae win the bail money
Loast 'is shirt
Stertit tearin' the hair oot 'is heid
Accused thum a cheatin'
Goat stabbed fur 'is trouble
Stuck up oan a cross

Wan ay the guards wis fae Caana
Daein' his national service
Hud a jar a wine 'es maw hud sent um
Offert um a drink.
Tastit like vinegar!

Jesus wept!
"Mammy daddy, mammy daddy . Ah'm gonny die"

Peter sez, ah've goat a plan
We'll get ye doon wance it's dark
Hide ye in wan ay they mansions yer faither's goat
Substitute some auld dosser fur the service
Think ay the odds we'll get
Wan public appearance
In a supermarket or sumthin'
They'll be queuin' up tae pit their hoosekeepin' oan ye
Insteed aay ayways bein' mugs
Wu'll diversify wur assets intae bookmakin'

It wis a helluva wake.
Aw the punters gethered at the Co-op eftur the funeral.
In He walks.
Shows thum a coupla dabbities oan his digits
Then diz 'is best trick yet.

Thur aw boltin' fur the door tae get a bet oan
There's Peter waitin' wi the fixed odds coupons
Raked it in
Hud tae move intae bigger premesis
Stertit a marketin' section
Pit flyers oot a' roon the country
Expanded owerseas
Foundit the biggest multi-national ever kent
Monopolies commission goat intae um
Wantit tae see fair competition

Heid office in Rome came up wi' a dodge
Re-distribution ay assets wid increase business twofold
Split summy the business intae insurance
Floatit subsidiary companies
Gied thum some local autonomy.
Decidit tae allow a coupla management buyoots
"Long's they think th'uve a choice.
W'uve goat thum bey the Gonads.
Bit fur Goad's sake don't lit thum fun oot
They kin fun heaven without religion"

Of course it's true!
A guy in the pub telt me.


Genesis ©

God sat up in bed with a thought in his head:
how to fill His back garden with mirth?
So without more ado, He put on his shoes
and started creating the earth.

He made the light to contrast the night
He filled His garden with creatures
And knowing they'd roam He made for their home
a series of landscape features

A waterfall here, a rockery there,
and in between, some fountains
And deserts of sand to vary the land
which had mainly been fields and mountains

He planted trees, made birds and bees,
and insects and fungus and fishes
And mammals, like camels, and reptiles too
and He granted them all of their wishes.

But something went wrong when the meek and the strong
found out their ideas conflicted
They couldn't resolve it, so trying to solve it
God had the whole lot evicted.

He knew his domain would need someone to reign
so He set on a cunning plan
Some creature or thing would have to be king,
and the best equipped was man.

Adam was chosen, time was frozen,
the young man was sent off to college
to learn the procedures that govern God's creatures
and bathe in the river of knowledge

While he was away God started to play
with a knife and an old rib-end
He whittled a while and saw with a smile
He'd made for Adam a friend.

The garden was lovely and God settled down
to relish the fruits of His labour
Leaving Adam and Eve to the birds and the bees
while He kept an eye on His neighbour

The neighbour was spiteful, malicious and base,
and at times he could be most uncivil
He smelt of brimstone and tonic wine,
and behaved like a dirty old devil.

He had no name, so Eve played a game
As she passes him she laughed and she giggled
The subject was thorny, but he became Horny
When she walked past the gate and wiggled

When Adam returned from Being Away
he thought Eve a lovely surprise
he hid in a tree and when Eve went to pee
he couldn't believe his eyes

He stood up straight and asked for a date
'twas there began the fall.
They learned how to mate at incredible rate,
and God wasn't happy at all

God sent them down to live underground
in caves. while He stayed up above
They spent all their days in a sensual haze
and lived off the fruits of their love

Years passed away, so did Adam and Eve,
And so did all thoughts of their author.
They left behind the seeds of mankind
for they'd had both a son and a daughter

The children went on to have kids of their own
and their kids in turn bred as well
So God lost the place with the whole human race
and told them to all go to hell

His anger soon cooled and He felt such a fool
when He found that sex didn't deprave them
He said that He'd go'n' get a wife of His own
and He promised His first born to save them


To my unborn children ©

First you'll be born and then you'll be dead
and in between you'll be.
Don't dwell in the past, or too far ahead
oh, and nothing in life is free

Being born and being dead
are ends of the self-same road.
There are many encounters along the way,
and each a unique episode.

From time to time you'll make a friend
and now and then a foe.
But before you decide who's on your side
there's something you should know

Nothing's constant, all things change.
That's just evolution.
Put your trust in the people you meet
and hope for absolution.

You'll be right, and wrong, and weak, and strong,
have battles to win and to lose
but come what may, at the end of the day
it's up to you to choose.

Take a chance, adopt a stance
but don't refuse to budge.
Try not to be jealous or over zealous.
Face facts, and never judge

Don't be greedy, help the needy.
If the weak need help, then give it.
This life I give is yours to live
and it's up to you to live it.

All things happens under the sun,
that's part of nature's plan.
The duty of youth is to find the truth.
Bearing it makes you the man.

These are a simple father's thoughts,
ignore them if you will.
You 're entitled to think my opinions stink,
yet know I love you still.


Labels ©

You can't clone me!
You don't own me!
You don't even know me!

Put a "fool" sign on me
make me wear a jesters hat
There's more to me than you can see.
Life's more complex than that.
When you stick your labels on
you steal away my voice
and only say what you want to say
in the language of your choice.
If you only say "he's made of wood",
Folk might guess I'm a stable.
A rocking horse? An apple tree?
A set of occasional tables?
An abacus? A garden shed?
Rothesay pier? A door?
You can't just say " he's made of wood"
And tell them nothing more.


Where it's at! ©

Spend your life looking for romance
For someone to share in your life
Regard every date as a possible mate
And hope you find a wife

Go around expecting
One day it will happen to you
And hope against hope, silly dope
Of finding love that's true

Better to keep your head up
Make friends, don't push or shove
If you try to be young, single and free
You'll find yourself captured by love


the midgie raker ©

This is the tale of the midgie-raker telt in the gallagate
Wan night cummin hame fae whitevale baths passin the janefield grate

Keekin' aheid tae the Elaba lane an' the lights a' Parkheid Cross
Edgy oot fur drunks an' pervs an' that bam fae the factors close

Facing the forge where lums reeked black,'times mirror's replaced the smoke
Ma brother turnt and says tae me,in a trembling voice he spoke

"Did ye ever hear o' the midgie raker? Came fae beattock street.
Claws fur hauns, back doublt bent. Ashes jist skite through his feet!

Poakets the size o' message bags, strings his troosers, holdin'
Rootin aboot like a dug at a rat fur treasures unbeholden.

Takin 'is skin tae Adams, Barneys, or even the Pawn
Ees da's oan the jake, so he's first rake in the backs a' the scabbie lawn………."

The scabbie lawn is a scary place wur paupers live like tinks
And army demob greatcoats ur worn like heirloom minks.

The whole parkheid is feart a' theym, an ah mean feart aw right!
Ye huvtae rake thur middens in the middle o the night!

But lets get back tae the midgie raker, "…….webbe'd feet, clawed haun's
Last year, 11th o' july, the night afore the baun's.

He crept roon ow'r thur washie an' he went and delved thur bins
A first strike lucky midgie so he started rippin' in

He dug and dug fur a his worth, thur worth-less treasures gleaned
And bitsa bike and broken toys wur scavenged oot and cleaned

He dug so fast and hard and deep he clean forget to stoap
'Til ee dug his wey tae parkheid cross right past the banda hope

They say he's diggin' still the noo! They say he'll keep on diggin'!
He'll scare the wits oot' some poor sod oan thur whiy hame fae the jiggin'

Cos wan day he'll come up fur air an' yull no get ony warnin'
Some wee sowl'll foul thur breeks oan thur whiy tae work wan mornin'"

That scared mair than the wits oot me, I don't mind much admittin'
Its no cozza fear that I ran right hame! I'd promised tae help wi' a flittin'.


Love is....... ©

When your children ask
"How will I know
when I'm in love?"
tell them this.
you'll want to be
in love



Irene ©

You're more than my wife
You're the fountain of life
in the scary world I live in
as bad as it gets
You'll never let
me be the first to give in.
You keep me right
You make me fight
for everything that's due me
until life's end
You'll be my friend
You mean the whole world to me



faceless ©

faceless one who haunts my nights
with promise held of what delights
could scarce be true
though still and all when said as done
yet still the hand of faithful one
nor me nor you
the hour approaches come who may
we'll live to type another day
and never worry never say
nor die in ignorance
we'll the two who ride the wind
embrace the love of humankind,
but, to me, hurry! hurry!


want ©

You asked me what I want? to tell the truth
there's one thing that I dreamed of as a youth
obeying teacher's orders Always did
whatever culture taught me Kept a lid
on thoughts and actions
sometimes like to burst
the chains that bound
To place all others First
and though those bonds were freely taken still
they do assume, and that's a bitter pill
no medicine can cure the ills of life
the depth of passion felt for mum and wife
who waited patiently she sat and cried
husband? father ? neither ! God, He Lied!
She gave of love enough
then more, none spared
silently devotedly She cared
He opted out She never made a fuss
The love he dropped was filtered down to us
till finally, when time, as does, ran out
She, with her children, battled fears and doubt
and went to who knows where as was her fate
which brings me back on subject now though late
the thing that I want most of all to do
is not to waste the love I feel for You
to give myself, and take and free from sorrow
be free for now, forget about tomorrow
and yesterday and all the time and then
I want for You to want me Once again!



you ©

you once described yourself as fair
but i don't think you're really
quite as fair as you think you are
nor quite so touchy feely
for proof i offer only this
summation of our dealings
words are words worth foxes piss
or last nights tattie peelings
its in the act the truth we'll face
despite all plans and schemes
name the date the time and place
live our secret dreams
come with me in a place you fashion
lie in my arms one time
don't look down from this height of passion
steady, lover, climb!


Inspiration ©

There are two very special girls in my life
One is my best friend, the other, my wife.
I mentioned Elaine before Irene, this time
cos the other way round,
it wouldn't rhyme


The Rhythm method ©

Life's ever changing wavelength
is the source of some frustration
from the deepest troughs of sorrow
to the peaks of adoration
we're subject to what others do,
and selfish voyeurism
when others choose the frequency
the amplitude and rhythm.
If ,in our souls we take control
then we decide the beat.
We find another melody
and harmony so sweet.
The song we make is ours to sing,.
the music's there before us.
It's not too late to orchestrate
and say who joins our chorus.
Sing out loud and sing with me.
Any tune will do.
The measure of my happiness is
in time
with you



A surfers plea ©

with heaving sigh your profile reading
instinct goads my prospect pleading
married years and you still single
know you not, but will to mingle
chance would have me near you soon
one night only, leave by noon
truth in touch, and trust in this
intentions basic as this kiss
for honesty's own sake as well
you want to know you ask me tell
Should we like, as should we meet
enjoin in basic union sweet
or rather, should we choose to dine
and share as friend o'er table wine
life's nature and the names of stars
an evening close without the scars
privilege either way would mine
pursue this matter, please, a line
who sets a minsrels heart aflame
he caring neither shape nor fame
but waving once in passing through
can hope for common ground in you


Young Love ©

When a glance makes you flush
and your knees turn to mush
your thoughts all rush
and your words gush
to cover the dreadful hush
that followed your blush,
That's a Crush.


Friendship ©

As people we've all changed
since this time last year
And people evolve,
that's nothing to fear.
Our needs and our hopes
and our wants and our friends
Don't really change
all that much in the end
But change some, they must
and it's ours to endure
When people make choices
of which we're not sure.
It's our cross to carry
that, try as we might
we can't help believing
they're wrong or we're right
But the truth is quite simple,
and tell it I must.
When all's said and done,
it's in friendship we trust.



hidden ©

Hidden deep within her face,
Whose lines describe a lonesome place,
Where once great fires brightly blazed
Now ashen embers smoulder.

When our eyes meet, unspoken, still
Words can't express the surging thrill
That wells up in me, gives me will
To offer her a shoulder

We both know well it isn't wise
Truth isn't found in wistful sighs
We've made the beds wherein we lie
And there we both know duty

It's not my lot to have her close
Nor kiss her little wrinkled nose
Caressing her from head to toes
Indulging in her beauty

The only thing that leaves to say
Is, maybe, soon, there'll come a day
When human nature blows away
All fears of castigation

Maybe, too, there'll be a chance
To laugh, and cry, and sing and dance
But while we wait, my sweet romance
We've still imagination



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